The Night Before
by Shelly Lane
Summary: I once did a GMD parody of "Christmas Carol," and someone else did a GMD "Grinch" story, so I did "Night Before Christmas." Chapters do NOT take place on the same Christmas. Each chapter is a poem (parody of original work) from the point of view of a different character (listed in top right corner with chapter number). Titus, Disney, Disney, and Moore own everything.
1. Henchman

'Twas the night before Christmas

And all through the house

Not a creature was stirring,

Not even a mouse.

The children were nestled

All snug in their beds.

"Great night for a robbery!"

Ratigan said.

We pillaged their home,

Careful not to wake them;

Putting money in bags,

Stealing each precious gem.

When out on the lawn

There arose such a clatter

The boss rolled his eyes

And sighed, "Now what's the matter?!"

He squinted to see

In the light that was dim

And swore under his breath,

"Oh curses! Not him!"

My own breathing quickened,

For out in the fog

Came a sound only made

By a certain sleuth's dog.

I knew that my heartbeat

Was certain to quit

When I heard the voice

Instruct Toby to sit.

He muttered some words

That gave me quite a scare,

"This home has been robbed,

And the fiends are still there!"

"Confound him!" the boss muttered.

"Who needs this hassle?!

If my cat were here,

I'd be finished with Basil!"

And then, in a moment,

I'd hidden myself,

Desperate to find refuge

Behind a small shelf.

As I ducked down my head

And was turning around,

Through the doorway, the famous

Sleuth came with a bound.

His eyes-how they twinkled!

His smug grin-how merry!

This detective with wits

That surpassed ordinary!

With his pipe in his mouth,

He examined the snow,

Searching for clues that would

Lead him right to his foe.

Ratigan merely laughed

As he twirled his long cape.

"Did you really believe

That I couldn't escape?!"

"Enjoy your plans

That are certain to fail!

Very soon," Basil vowed,

"I shall see you in jail!"

The boss got away

Through an open window,

And so did the others,

But I was too slow.

"Avoiding Basil's not hard!"

So I thought,

But his hand seized my wrist,

And I knew I was caught.

He led me outside,

Much to my desolation.

The rest of the night

Was my interrogation.

Now I'm stuck in a jail cell

As I sit and write:

"Merry Christmas to all,

And to all a good night."


	2. Bartholomew

'Twas the night before Christmas

And…one moment here;

I can't finish this poem

Unless I have beer.

I'm an alcoholic,

Like almost any thug

Who works for Ratigan…

I've emptied my mug!

We're all out of beer?

I guess that's alright.

I'll just have a bottle

Of Rodent's Delight.

Brandy's not my favorite,

But I can get by.

Now, I was telling a story…

Oh yes! Where was I?

'Twas the night before Christmas,

I was feeling fine.

I'd finished my wassail

And was looking for wine.

The whiskey was great,

As was the chardonnay…

How'd I get over here?!

The pub is that way!

'Twas the HIC! before Christmas,

And all through the HIC!

Not a HICCUP! was stirring,

Not even a HIC!

I should go sleep this off…

HIC! Before this over,

I HIC! hope I don't have

A HICCUP! hangover

HICCUP! Here's to Christmas

And here's to St. Nick!

HIC! Here's to my boss,

The world's greatest…HIC!

Wasn't there HIC! something else

I was supposed to HIC! write?

Oh yes: Merry HICCUP! to all,

And to all a good HIC!


	3. Felicia

'Twas the night before Christmas;

Enough of this fluff!

Let's skip right ahead

To the feasting and stuff!

Basil was deducing

Who'd been naughty or nice,

But I'd been awaiting

My meal of plump mice

That Ratigan fed me

This time every year,

Saying, "It's not legal,

But Basil's not here.

Enjoy your meal.

I love you, Felicia."

When drunk with champagne

Those mice were delicious.

Yes, I was still waiting

For the sound of the bell

Before my great feast;

I'd surely be fed well.

I was eager to begin

My Christmas meal, but

My plans were soon thwarted

By one obtuse mutt.

"Toby," as they called him,

Lacked wits and acumen;

I despised this dog, for

He had his own human.

He thought he was clever;

He thought he was bright,

But he was dull as a drunkard

On Saturday night.

He'd tracked down some thug

To this lair of ours,

No doubt aided by the

Strong scent of cigars.

"Look, cat," he began,

"I'm here to solve a crime!"

I yawned, "Love to discuss it,

But haven't the time."

His droopy ears sagged

To the ground near his paws,

And I thought about shredding

Those ears with my claws

When all of a sudden,

One thought became clear:

The appearance of Toby

Meant Basil was near.

I knew the Professor

Would soon blow a gasket,

For he'd vowed he would see

The sleuth in a casket.

"Is it true," queried Toby,

"You eat mice that are dead?"

"Still alive," I answered,

"Or I'd stop being fed."

"But it's Christmas!" he argued.

I shrugged. "What of it?

You must leave now. My boss

Wouldn't like this one bit!"

He shook his head sadly.

"What a disaster!

Having the Crown Prince of

Crime as a master!"

"Leave now!" I entreated.

"Or there'll be a price!

Last time I was seen with you,

I got no mice!"

"But I came to offer

A much better dish!

Basil said you'd like it,

So I brought you fish!"

I looked at the fish

He was trying to give,

And decided right then

I would let the mice live.

I heard Ratigan's harp

And Basil's violin,

And I knew temporarily

They were friends again.

From this confrontation,

Not one murder or fight,

So Merry Christmas to all,

And to all a good night.


	4. Dawson

'Twas the night before Christmas,

And to my chagrin

Basil was playing carols

On his violin.

I had been nestled

All snug in my bed,

And thoughts of strings breaking

Soon raced through my head.

This violin was

The bane of the nation,

Often played during

An interrogation.

When I could take no more

Of this din and clatter,

I rushed from my room

To see what was the matter.

Basil turned to me.

And said, "Sorry, old chap!

Did I awaken you

From your long winter's nap?"

"What is it," I asked,

"That ails you today?

The first stroke of midnight

Is minutes away!"

"Is it now?" he queried.

"Are we really so near it?

I suppose I am haunted

By three Christmas spirits."

I frowned in bewilderment,

Scratching my head.

"What the Dickens?" I asked.

"Precisely!" he said.

"The first," he began,

"Is of Yuletides long past.

Alas for my youth

And time vanished too fast!"

He sighed, "Long ago,

Ratigan was my friend,

And neither of us knew

That this trust soon would end,

"Yet even our hatred

Has ended too soon.

I'll see him nevermore,

For he perished last June,

"But his memories still haunt me,

And I feel no spite,

So it is in his honor

I drink this tonight."

So saying, he raised his glass,

But it was plain

To see that his heart

Was still writhing in pain.

Thoughts of his former

Friend's recent demise

Tightened Basil's throat

And had moistened his eyes.

Ignoring the memories

That dampened his cheek,

Basil cleared his throat,

And once more he did speak.

"The second," he stated,

"Is clearly more pleasant.

The spirit I mention

Is that of Christmas present.

"I speak of the ruffians

Now in their cells,

No more to commit felonies,

And the bell

"That once gave their boss

All his pride and his glory

Rests now on my mantel;

You recall the story:

"After the demise of

The world's greatest rat,

Felicia reformed her ways,

As did the bat.

"Mousedom is much safer,

That's no mystery,

Now that Ratigan's ring

Of thugs is history."

It was here Basil paused,

Raising his glass again,

"Here's to what shall be now

Rather than 'might have been'!"

"The third spirit," he finished,

"Is that of a future

Spent with the one who gave

Bandages and sutures

"When I was unscathed

After my final fight

With Ratigan on the

Clock tower that night!

"I was not at all harmed,

Yet still you insisted

That I needed help,

And so I resisted.

"I was not wounded,

Yet you still bandaged me!

That was most unprofessional,

You must surely agree.

"Still I have no regrets

About the next day,

When you were leaving,

But I asked you to stay.

"We're an excellent team of

Investigators, we two!

And so, my dear Dawson,

I toast now to you!"

He emptied his glass;

Then he stretched and he said,

"Pleasant dreams, Doctor.

I retire to bed."

Looking on toward the future,

Enjoying the present,

And recalling the past

Make life meaningfully pleasant,

And I knew in the depths

Of his vast memory,

Basil remembered

And cherished all three.

Let us all learn and try

To do the same if we might.

Merry Christmas to all,

And to all a good night


End file.
